At long last, Astros in 7

I could post my opinion on Bush's Supreme Court nominees (brilliant, on his part...both loyal to him and neither has enough of a record for Congress to pick apart) or whether Kanye is right that he doesn't care about black people (uh...), but I am not in that kind of mood today. Instead, I'm just going to stick to the subjects you guys expect out of me...sports, drinking stories, and really crappy reality television.

I hate Jim Edmonds. I'm not sure if I believe in hell, but if I end up there, I am sure that he will be prominently involved.

After watching back-to-back episodes of Laguna Beach and My Super Sweet 16, it occurred to me that maybe MTV is up to something. It is becoming more and more clear that the network is trying to start a cultural revolution. Don’t scoff…sure it looks like MTV is just continuing the trend of worshipping the rich and catering to our inner pedophile, but try to look deeper. By showing just how dim, shallow, and remarkably self-absorbed these wealthy kids are, MTV is hoping to outrage the middle and lower classes. By showing these families spend more on one party than the average two parent household earns in five years, how can one not want to revolt? Devious, devious MTV… Rock the Vote didn’t work, but maybe Laguna-Sweet 16 double bill will finally encourage poor white America to vote the Republicans out of office.

And, man, that adopted girl Jazmin was a bitch.

Besides Laguna Beach and My Super Sweet 16, I am currently watching or TIVO-ing Arrested Development, Kitchen Confidential, How I Met Your Mother, Prison Break, The Real World, The World Series of Poker, Weeds, The Amazing Race, My Name is Earl, The Office, Lost, Veronica Mars, The O.C., Survivor, Bound for Glory, Rome, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Family Guy, Extras, Desperate Housewives, and American Dad. That is 17 and a half hours of television I’m committed to each week, even before you take into account the hours of sports I usually watch. I think I either need to get a job as a television critic or cancel my cable subscription.

But since I have been watching that many hours of television, I might as well put it to good use and let you in on my well educated opinions. Arrested Development consistently makes me laugh harder than any other show. Weeds was so entertaining, we subscribed to Showtime for it. The O.C. and Desperate Housewives have gotten consistently worse (Housewives is almost unwatchable). I’m still very hooked on Lost and Prison Break (even if I have to turn my brain off to watch it). How I Met Your Mother noses out Kitchen and Earl as the funniest new show. And Veronica Mars had the funniest exchange:

Dad: How was school? Just the normal binge drinking and intravenous drug use?
Veronica: And premarital sex. But I think you’ll really like these guys.

Dave brought a girl home last night. Not particularly new or newsworthy, but after all of the linebacker jokes I got, I gotta say that this one must have been a fullback on the same squad.

Joe Morgan wrote a very simplistic take on this year’s NLCS claiming that Chris Carpenter was the one big difference between this year’s series and last year’s. What about Andy Pettitte? I’d argue that the difference between Carpenter and Jeff Suppan is much smaller than the difference between Pettitte and Pete Munro. Carlos Beltran, Jeff Kent, and Scott Rolen obviously won’t be playing the huge roles they played in 2004. Last year, Houston’s bullpen consisted of Dan Wheeler, Brad Lidge, and a collection of gas cans where as this year’s version is probably the most solid that I can remember in my years as an Astros fan. That is the primary reason that I believe that this is the year the Astros finally advance to their first World Series. With Roy Oswalt, Roger Clemens, and Pettitte likely to start 6 of the 7 games, all of the games should be close enough for the bullpen to play a huge role. Al Reyes, one of St. Louis’s top set-up men was injured on the last day of the year, while Wheeler, Chad Qualls, and Mike Gallo were all solid in the second half of the year. Lidge has owned St. Louis over the last two years while Cardinal’s Isringhausen blew three saves against Houston since the All Star break. I expect seven nailbiters but in Game 7, look for Lidge to permanently turn the lights out on old Busch Stadium.