Dave's Love Life
I was only going to post once today, but this little nugget was too good to be kept in private for another day. Before you begin, let me issue a word of warning. If you are inclined to empathize with perfectly nice girls who are dicked around by drunk asshole guys for no reason other than their own amusement, stop reading now. This post will only make you hate me for posting it and my friends for doing it, and neither of us wants that. If you just want to laugh at bad people doing bad things, then set aside a block of time (this is a long one) and read on. Let me set the scene:
Important Fact 1: Since Dave got back for break, he has dated every single attractive girl on jdate.com (The Jewish Dating Service) between the ages of 20-26. If you are saying to yourself, "Wait, I am an attractive girl in that age range with a jdate profile and I haven't dated Dave" then, well, let's just say that you and Dave differ on the definition of the word "attractive". Until recently, he hadn't found a girl he was really into, so he had continued to date a variety of girls.
Important Fact 2: Dave is very discreet about his dating activites. We know he goes on dates, but don't know anything about the girls or any other details.
Important Fact 3: A few weeks ago, Dave had a date. On that same night, my roommates and I went to a "Welcome to Baylor" happy hour for incoming first years, lured by the promise of free drinks (check) and a hot redhead (my kryptonite). After 5 free pitchers, Jeff approached a girl who was sitting with a few friends. After a couple of minutes, they realized that she had jdated Dave. Jeff called us all over, where we proceeded to pose for pictures with her, get her phone number, and tell her about Dave's Quixotean quest to date every Jewish girl in Houston. She seemed good humored, but a little annoyed that Dave was on a date that night since he had told her he was busy all weekend.
Important Fact 4: Blake and Jeff went home early, but already pretty intoxicated. When they got home, Blake checked his email on Dave's computer (which was in the living room). After a few minutes, an IM popped up:
PoorJewishGirl-->: so i met your roomates tonight.... how was your date?
Blake and Jeff were so excited, they nearly wet themselves. Since Dave wasn't home from his date yet, they had no choice but to pretend to be him. The conversation between "Dave" and the girl went as follows:
Dave-->: oh...who did you meet?
PoorJewishGirl-->: all four of them... had a nice conversation with them
Dave-->: yeah i bet...what did they say?
PoorJewishGirl-->: enough...
PoorJewishGirl-->: disappointed....
Dave-->: disappointed??
PoorJewishGirl-->: did you havea nice date tonight?
Dave-->: ummm...it was okay. no sparks...did you meet anyone nice?
PoorJewishGirl-->: your roomates
Dave-->: which one was your favorite?
PoorJewishGirl-->: they were all sweet,we took a picture together
PoorJewishGirl-->: they were hilarious
Dave-->: a picutre? that's weird. how did you meet them?
PoorJewishGirl-->: well a guy sat next to me on the phone and then introduced himself.... he staryed talking to me and said he had 4 other roomates, 3 in med school, and that he lived down the street
PoorJewishGirl-->: kind of put the two and two together and figued it out
PoorJewishGirl-->: and then all your roomates came over to hang out with my friends
Dave-->: well did you like him?
PoorJewishGirl-->: i thought they were all sweet
Dave-->: but you like me right?
PoorJewishGirl-->: hmmm... well i found who the real david is tonight
Dave-->: that is good right?
PoorJewishGirl-->: what do you think?
Dave-->: i think you are a flirt!
Dave-->: get your flirt on
PoorJewishGirl-->: i think you are wrong
PoorJewishGirl-->: i think you are confusing friendly with flirty
Dave-->: I am sure they just wanted to hook up with you
PoorJewishGirl-->: and what about you?
Dave-->: now you are bwing honest
Dave-->: tell me what you really want to do
Dave-->: tell me what you really want (dirty like)
PoorJewishGirl-->: i think you have decided that for both of us
Dave-->: huh
Dave-->: amswerhe question (dirty like)
PoorJewishGirl-->: it sounds like you have other girls to take care of those needs
Dave-->: what?
Dave-->: dont be a sweet girl...I am home alone and I was just wondering...
PoorJewishGirl-->: i am a sweet girl
Dave-->: Well I like girls who...
Dave-->: like it in the butt...are you into that
Dave-->: ?
PoorJewishGirl-->: im shocked right now
PoorJewishGirl-->: thought you were a different person...
Dave-->: so that's out?
Dave-->: I mean its cool if it is..
PoorJewishGirl-->: im not saying anything, im just saying you seemed so different
Dave-->: sorry
Dave-->: that was brutal honesty
Dave-->: what do you want to talk about
Dave-->: ?
PoorJewishGirl-->: you tell me
Dave-->: what kind of guy are you into?
Dave-->: short?
PoorJewishGirl-->: athletic, fun, adventurous
Dave-->: i am just kidding
PoorJewishGirl-->: and real
Dave-->: i have a complex
Dave-->: those are all good things
Dave-->: fun
Dave-->: athletic
PoorJewishGirl-->: and what might that be
Dave-->: real
Dave-->: all good
Dave-->: like me right?
PoorJewishGirl-->: real?
Dave-->: what does that mean?
PoorJewishGirl-->: honest
Dave-->: look..I am the most honest guy you will ever meet
Dave-->: why dont you just ask my freinds
Dave-->: they will tell you the truth
PoorJewishGirl-->: bust all weekend with med stuff but yet found tinme for a date
Dave-->: what size bra do you wear?
PoorJewishGirl-->: they told me the truth
Dave-->: what did they tell you?
PoorJewishGirl-->: enough....
Dave-->: you keep saying that...i don't know what it means. i went on a date tonight, and she wasn't that cute...
Dave-->: what's the big deal?
PoorJewishGirl-->: so its all about the looks?
PoorJewishGirl-->: i never said it was a big deal but you broke off dinner the other night and said you were busy with school stuff and birthdays the other night
PoorJewishGirl-->: s
Dave-->: no seriously, i have like 3 friends with birthdays this weekend
Dave-->: cock
PoorJewishGirl-->: one was yesterday
PoorJewishGirl-->: ??
Dave-->: yeah, one of the jeff's
PoorJewishGirl-->: yep, he was the first one i mey
PoorJewishGirl-->: t
Dave-->: which jeff...mexi or white
Dave-->: vag
PoorJewishGirl-->: and then other jeff was just chatting away with my friends
PoorJewishGirl-->: mexi was theone i met
Dave-->: what did you think?
Dave-->: slut
PoorJewishGirl-->: are you kidding me
Dave-->: sorry, one of the jeff's stole my computer
Dave-->: i'm back now
PoorJewishGirl-->: umm...ok
Dave-->: anyway, now that the jeff's are here, what did you really think of them?
PoorJewishGirl-->: i told you.. i thought they were all sweet, they definitely let me know who you are
Dave-->: you keep saying that...don't know what you mean
PoorJewishGirl-->: player
Dave-->: that's not very nice'
PoorJewishGirl-->: well thats whay ur friends led me to believe
Dave-->: well my friends...they probably just wanted to get in your pants
PoorJewishGirl-->: one of their roomates already did...
Dave-->: got in your pants?
Dave-->: who?
Dave-->: fuck nasa
Dave-->: who?
Dave-->: which one?
Dave-->: not that i am jealous?
PoorJewishGirl-->: thisis rediculous
Dave-->: are u dunk?
PoorJewishGirl-->: you broke up with your girlfriend a month ago and nwo your looking for a little rebound
Dave-->: girlfriend?
PoorJewishGirl-->: or whatever she was
PoorJewishGirl-->: your roomates said a lot
Dave-->: really?
Dave-->: well, I want to be made
PoorJewishGirl-->: ?
Dave-->: I want to be made tall
PoorJewishGirl-->: im in shock how different i thought you were
Dave-->: I am not stupid
Dave-->: you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I am never gonna be able to live up to that...I hope you understand
Dave-->: i might hurt myself..
PoorJewishGirl-->: thanks for feeding me a line... remember... ihave three brothers
PoorJewishGirl-->: such bs
Dave-->: i am lonely...and short
PoorJewishGirl-->: like you tell me.. sorry
Dave-->: did you know that i "manscape"...
Dave-->: my chest is TRIMMMMMM
Dave-->: vagina
Dave-->: vagina MAX!
PoorJewishGirl-->: so disappointed...
Dave-->: twat?
Dave-->: what's the...oh the humor...i'm sorry
PoorJewishGirl-->: whatever
Dave-->: what are you wearing?
Dave-->: i'm dressed like a clown...like a sexy clown
PoorJewishGirl-->: go showit off to your roomates, they might enjoy it
Dave-->: ummm...what's wrong with you?
Dave-->: that's fucked up.
PoorJewishGirl-->: i told you... im disappointed.. shockedDave-->: sorry...i was just joking around. i thought we were joking...are we okay?
PoorJewishGirl-->: what do you think
Dave-->: i think you don't believe me
PoorJewishGirl-->: dont answer my ims when i ask you to meet up, cancel dinner and dont reschedule, come over to end up in my bed....
PoorJewishGirl-->: let me think about this one for a minute
Dave-->: wait...
Dave-->: i know we have alot of history
Dave-->: but when we hooked up you felt something too right?
Dave-->: ....?
PoorJewishGirl-->: i told you i did to only get a few nights later a phone call about rescheduling dinner which never happened and then find out you are out and about tonight... which you told me you were SOOO busy to do anything but med school stuff and birthdays
PoorJewishGirl-->: i would say you got busted tonight
Dave-->: oh I still wish you would come over... i mean
Dave-->: ,,,
PoorJewishGirl-->: yea right
PoorJewishGirl-->: because the girl you went out tonight with wasnt meeting your standards in looks
Dave-->: would you like me to come over there.....or send over a roomate
Dave-->: ?
Dave-->: you are fascinated by ajet liner that would propel 4000lbs
PoorJewishGirl-->: excuse .me?
Dave-->: turn to Vagina Max
PoorJewishGirl-->: whatever
Dave-->: seriously, i'm just joking...i've been drinking
PoorJewishGirl-->: you are such a different person now then i thought you were from the times we hung out
Dave-->: are you alone?
PoorJewishGirl-->: so you should have taken your date home... a few drinks and looks dont count
Dave-->: it was just a date??!!!?? maximus vaginus...got it, fool?
Dave-->: jesus...jesus christ....
Dave-->: hold on
Dave-->: hold on
Dave-->: ... ineed to talk to you
PoorJewishGirl-->: ?
Dave-->: listen
Dave-->: I thought you were hot
Dave-->: and I thought YOU WERE DIFFERNET
Dave-->: but...
Dave-->: you should come over so we can patch up this...
Dave-->: do you need a ride?
PoorJewishGirl-->: different in what way
Dave-->: you need a ride in a different wat?
Dave-->: way?
PoorJewishGirl-->: im fine in my bed thanks
Dave-->: well I mean...I am hing like bull
Dave-->: hung
Dave-->: i think if you dont like me, you should come out with one of my friends
Dave-->: they are all good guys mu
Dave-->: ch better than I can ever guve you as a jewish boy
PoorJewishGirl-->: liek i said, i told you what i thought about you and after tonight, and i guess now for a few nights, i am disappointedDave-->: are u circumsized?
Dave-->: well u should make out with more girsls
PoorJewishGirl-->: ok.. done with this conversation
Dave-->: cock
Dave-->: cokc
Dave-->: cokc
Dave-->: oc
Dave-->: cock
Dave-->: cock
Dave-->: vgaina mania
Dave-->: in face of mamamama vagina
Dave-->: you face mamammmaaa vggineeeeaaaa
Dave-->: eat taco
PoorJewishGirl-->: do you find this cute?
PoorJewishGirl-->: i appreciate you taking me seriously and valuing who i am
PoorJewishGirl is idle at 1:19:39 AM.
PoorJewishGirl is no longer idle at 1:41:55 AM.