NBA Preview in Haiku

The NBA should be both entertaining and competitive this year. Even the truly horrible franchises have some intriguing young talent, and many teams are plaing an umtempo brand of basketball that is infinitely more fun to watch than the late nineties Knicks-Heat brawlfests. It is hard to picture anyone dethroning the Spurs this year, but their are at least a few teams who should keep it interesting.

EASTERN CONFERENCE
NCAA Caliber:
15) Toronto Raptors
Charlie “How do we
Sleep when the beds are burning”
Villanueva

14) Charlotte Bobcats
They will sell more tickets
By drafting May and Felton
But won’t win more games

13) Atlanta Hawks
Say it aint so, Joe
Chose money over winning
So no more playoffs

Have Some Hope:
12) Orlando Magic
Howard is a stud
But without his life mate, Cat
Francis is just sad

11) Boston Celtics
I love their young guys
Allen, Jefferson, and Green
But will Paul Pierce lead?

10) New York Knicks
Overpaid centers
An overcrowded backcourt
Are Zeke’s specialties

9) Philadelphia 76ers
A.I. (Iverson) plus A.I. (Iguadola)
Should give Philly fans some hope
When Eagles blow it

8) Chicago Bulls
Best American born
Caucasian player in the
NBA? Hinrich.

Definite Playoff Teams:
7) Washington Wizards
Wizards will miss Hughes
But not Kwame Brown at all
Ghost of MJ gone.

6) Milwaukee Bucks
Is Bogut for real?
T.J.’s back? Redd overpaid?
Questions, but some hope

5) Cleveland Cavaliers
Finally the year
James plays in the postseason
In June or just May?

4) New Jersey Nets
My least favorite team
With quitters and wife beaters.
Sadly, they’re not bad.

Possible Champs:
3) Detroit Pistons
A team of winners
Underappreciated
Except for Darko

2) Indiana Pacers
Best summer signing?
Sarunas Jasikevicius.
Seven syllables?

1) Miami Heat
A weak division
Assures most overall wins
Home court advantage

WESTERN CONFERENCE
Young and Bad:
15) New Orleans Hornets
My mother taught me
If I don’t have anything
Nice to say…shut up!

14) Portland Trailblazers
The Portland question
What will this year’s first crime be?
Drugs, rape, or murder?

Some Kind of Average
13) Los Angeles Lakers
Jackson and Kobe
Back together. But for what
A losing season

12) Los Angeles Clippers
Nice starting line-up
Not much of a bench, except
Livingston’s a stud

11) Memphis Grizzlies
Woohoo, the Grizzlies
I guess Pau is pretty good
Yeah…I’ve got nothing

10) Golden State Warriors
Are competitive
Until Baron gets injured
And that’s a given

9) Utah Jazz
Underachievers
Are bound to improve this year
But Utah still sucks.

8) Minnesota Timberwolves
More talent last year
But don’t bet against Garnett
Back to the playoffs

7) Seattle SuperSonics
Impressive season
Last year…Is there anything
Left for an encore?

Championship Contender, But Rough Regular Season
6) Phoenix Suns
Nash won MVP
But without Stoudemire
Suns are not special.

Playoff Tickets Punched
5) Sacramento Kings
Shareef’s played eight years
But has not seen the playoffs
That should finally change

4) Dallas Mavericks
Sure will they win games
But the playoffs just promise
More disappointment

3) Denver Nuggets
Weaker division
Gives Denver hope of home court
Throughout the playoffs

2) Houston Rockets
Maybe I am smoking
But I think the Rockets can
Take the Spurs to five

Playing For History
1) San Antonio Spurs
Deep and talented
Proven winners fear no one
Your NBA champs

Hazards of Fraternity Living

The Astros had just finished losing Game 1 of the World Series and I was depressed and tired. Sure it was Saturday night, but Dave and I left the downtown bar immediately after the game and I was planning on sitting on my couch and cleaning out the TIVO. I was really looking forward to the quiet. Unfortunately, when you live with four other immature guys, your nights rarely turn out like you plan.

I get home and Kiley calls so that I can comfort her about her recent break-up (one of my favorite recent hobbies). After listening for about ten minutes, I hear lots of drunk voices downstairs yelling up to me to badger me about lameness. There is Blake's "Get your ass down here", Leigh's "I am only going to be in town for 3 more daaaaaayyyyyys", and Jeff M.'s. s "We gotta...gotta...gotta go brink more deer". I ignored it until the noise went away, then came downstairs when I figured they were safely away at some bar.

Much to my horror, they showed up again ten minutes later with snack food, a case of beer, and a six pack of wine coolers for Jeff M. and Leigh. I was starting to doubt that my quiet night was going to pan out, but I was holding out a little hope that I could wait it out. Ohhhh, my naivete. It didn't take long before they started trying to throw things out of a half open window. First a soft stuffed baseball...then an unopened box of Wheat Thins...then a flip flop...then a full beer can! Fortunately, the sickening thud that it made when it hit the window and the subsequent beer spillage (that I had to clean up) sobered everyone up enough to realize that this was a bad idea.

Alex R. and Liz showed up, and my brother Jon suggested that everyone should play a drinking game. I was all for this idea, because I assumed it meant that everyone would go in the kitchen and I could have the living room to myself. Unfortunately, Jeff M. agreed on the condition that they clear off the "coffee table" and play in the living room. Dave and Jeff G. agreed to help...by carrying the table and all of the clutter (beer cans, pizza boxes, umm, wallets) on it out the front door and dumping it in the bed of Jeff M.'s truck. This angered Jeff M. He ran out the front door, jumped in his pick-up, and drove onto our front lawn. He got out of his truck, opened the latch on his truck bed, and drove forward really fast in hopes that all of the trash will shoot out the back and end up on our lawn. When this didn't work, he tried again...and again...and again.

At some point while all of this was going on, Jon called his roommate Dan and invite him and friends over to my house. One of the side benefits of Jon moving to Houston is that we now occasionally get to hang out with girls again. Amazingly, most girls our age who are not currently hooking up with one of my roommates tend to find us to be a tad on the immature side. It isn't that we are bad people, but we do tend to scare a lot of people away. Eventually, Dan, David, Lucy, Anne, Truc, and half dozen others show up with a couple more cases of beer. Lucy, Anne, and a strong odor of alcohol immediately accost me as I hear Dave quip, "That's the most action Glenn has gotten in months". This is about the time, I finally come to terms with the fact that my hopes for a quiet night are merely a pipe dream. I decide that going upstairs and calling Kiley back is the most peace I am likely to get.

After a thirty minute conversation, my curiosity starts to get the best of me. Every few minutes I hear yelling coming from downstairs and I'm wondering if I am missing out on all of the fun. Kiley does her best Kate Winslet in Extras impersonation to try to keep me on the phone, but I eventually resist and go check out the scene downstairs. Alex and Liz have been scared away by the rowdiness and Leigh must have left because Blake, Jeff, and I weren't paying much attention to her. Jeff G. and his brother Brian were still on the couch but staying far away from the action in the kitchen. Dan and his friends were shotgunning beers in the kitchen while Jon, Chien and Jessica were in the backyard smoking and just beginning to re-enact a classic Lara Flynn Boyle-Stephen Baldwin-Josh Charles film. Truc, Lucy, Blake, and Jeff M. were drinking and playing cards while Dave was using all of his best material on Anne (until he learned she had a boyfriend).

Complacent in the knowledge that I could live without all that was going on, I started to go back up to my room to try to fall asleep. Before I got there, Lucy grabbed me and told me that she needed to go up to my room first. Half-intrigued and half-terrified, I hesitated long enough for her to sprint/stumble up the stairs. As I turned to give Jeff G. a bemused look, Jeff M. runs up the stairs after her. Now I was definitely leaning towards terrified. When I get to my room, Lucy is finishing making my bed. Now I was even more confused. I decided to get them both out of my room so I can fall asleep, so I tell them I am going to call Kiley back. Lucy then grabbed Jeff's arm, tells him she has to ask him a question, and proceeds to pull him into his room. Jeff G. and Brian followed us up the stairs and are very amused by this. Being the mature guys that we are, we immediately started sliding porn, condoms, and lube under their door. When we get bored with this, we hooked up our wireless mikes (don't ask) and slid them under the door. We are all very disappointed when Truc burst in on them to find them just sitting there, talking.

After about another hour of little misadventures. I decided that it really was time for me to fall asleep. Just as I finally succeeded, I heard a high pitched shriek outside of my door followed by the sound of Blake cackling. For some reason, a very drunk Blake decided to pour honey all over Truc and Lucy. Yes, I know it sounds weirdly kinky, but it was really pretty disgusting. Blake tells them that, yes,he is very sorry, but now they need to take a shower together to get it off. Jeff M., who wasn't hit by the honey, takes this as his cue to get naked and jump in the shower. As I am trying to go back to sleep (at about 3:30 AM), all I can hear is a naked Jeff yelling, "It's ok! You both need to get clean! Getin here with me! I'm safe!" I realized that I should never expect a quiet night...I never left college.

At long last, Astros in 7

I could post my opinion on Bush's Supreme Court nominees (brilliant, on his part...both loyal to him and neither has enough of a record for Congress to pick apart) or whether Kanye is right that he doesn't care about black people (uh...), but I am not in that kind of mood today. Instead, I'm just going to stick to the subjects you guys expect out of me...sports, drinking stories, and really crappy reality television.

I hate Jim Edmonds. I'm not sure if I believe in hell, but if I end up there, I am sure that he will be prominently involved.

After watching back-to-back episodes of Laguna Beach and My Super Sweet 16, it occurred to me that maybe MTV is up to something. It is becoming more and more clear that the network is trying to start a cultural revolution. Don’t scoff…sure it looks like MTV is just continuing the trend of worshipping the rich and catering to our inner pedophile, but try to look deeper. By showing just how dim, shallow, and remarkably self-absorbed these wealthy kids are, MTV is hoping to outrage the middle and lower classes. By showing these families spend more on one party than the average two parent household earns in five years, how can one not want to revolt? Devious, devious MTV… Rock the Vote didn’t work, but maybe Laguna-Sweet 16 double bill will finally encourage poor white America to vote the Republicans out of office.

And, man, that adopted girl Jazmin was a bitch.

Besides Laguna Beach and My Super Sweet 16, I am currently watching or TIVO-ing Arrested Development, Kitchen Confidential, How I Met Your Mother, Prison Break, The Real World, The World Series of Poker, Weeds, The Amazing Race, My Name is Earl, The Office, Lost, Veronica Mars, The O.C., Survivor, Bound for Glory, Rome, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Family Guy, Extras, Desperate Housewives, and American Dad. That is 17 and a half hours of television I’m committed to each week, even before you take into account the hours of sports I usually watch. I think I either need to get a job as a television critic or cancel my cable subscription.

But since I have been watching that many hours of television, I might as well put it to good use and let you in on my well educated opinions. Arrested Development consistently makes me laugh harder than any other show. Weeds was so entertaining, we subscribed to Showtime for it. The O.C. and Desperate Housewives have gotten consistently worse (Housewives is almost unwatchable). I’m still very hooked on Lost and Prison Break (even if I have to turn my brain off to watch it). How I Met Your Mother noses out Kitchen and Earl as the funniest new show. And Veronica Mars had the funniest exchange:

Dad: How was school? Just the normal binge drinking and intravenous drug use?
Veronica: And premarital sex. But I think you’ll really like these guys.

Dave brought a girl home last night. Not particularly new or newsworthy, but after all of the linebacker jokes I got, I gotta say that this one must have been a fullback on the same squad.

Joe Morgan wrote a very simplistic take on this year’s NLCS claiming that Chris Carpenter was the one big difference between this year’s series and last year’s. What about Andy Pettitte? I’d argue that the difference between Carpenter and Jeff Suppan is much smaller than the difference between Pettitte and Pete Munro. Carlos Beltran, Jeff Kent, and Scott Rolen obviously won’t be playing the huge roles they played in 2004. Last year, Houston’s bullpen consisted of Dan Wheeler, Brad Lidge, and a collection of gas cans where as this year’s version is probably the most solid that I can remember in my years as an Astros fan. That is the primary reason that I believe that this is the year the Astros finally advance to their first World Series. With Roy Oswalt, Roger Clemens, and Pettitte likely to start 6 of the 7 games, all of the games should be close enough for the bullpen to play a huge role. Al Reyes, one of St. Louis’s top set-up men was injured on the last day of the year, while Wheeler, Chad Qualls, and Mike Gallo were all solid in the second half of the year. Lidge has owned St. Louis over the last two years while Cardinal’s Isringhausen blew three saves against Houston since the All Star break. I expect seven nailbiters but in Game 7, look for Lidge to permanently turn the lights out on old Busch Stadium.

Blingo Takes Reid by Storm

Well, I'm going to first start out by noting the fact that this post may seem a little dated. Basically, I wrote the majority of this article a month or so ago but very adeptly dropped the proverbial ball and never actually posted it. But, since Luke so appropriately called us out, I figured I'd need to do something to help jumpstart this blog a little bit. Sooo, I will now proceed to recount a portion of the events and happenings encompassing the Blingo party that Glen had previously referenced... at least I'll do my best. Frankly, I struggle to peice the entire night back together. But, I think my alcohol-induced, fleeting memory of the night juxtaposed with the happenings that I do remember only further supports my theory that it was an all too successful party.

I don't really know where the idea for Blingo came from. But, it was originally deamed by Maribel to be "Titty Bingo". The combination of titties and Bingo seemed palatable, so I decided to roll with it. Aside from a catchy name, I thought the party needed an extra twist and a dash of pizazz. I racked my brain for the better part of a week for an appropriate supporting theme but couldn't dust up any good candidates. I tried to maintain a certain degree of tact with my ideas, but all of the fitting themes that I generated all seemed far too dirty and tasteless. To somewhat defend myself, the name "Titty Bingo" quickly leads the mind down a path adorned with deviant thoughts of filth. In any case, I am not quite sure what my stream of thought was, but I decided drinking copious amounts of Fourties would have to be an integral part of the party. My only guess is that I processed the situation as follows: Titties = Rap videos = Rappers = Fourties and bitches. All I know is that rappers were the primary axis of my thought pattern because I simultaneously found my self shouting "Bling Bliiiiiiing, biatch!" And then it was clear. "We shall drink Fourties and play Bingo ; when a player yells out 'Bingo', the winner will be generously awarded with Bling (i.e. Gold tooth inserts, faux diamond rings, pimp canes, and other such materialized glory). Let it be called Blingo!" It was fate and history in the making.

When it came down to it, the party launched off like a midget out of a canon; we had record attendance, not to mention the fact that the patrons came holding no mercy for their livers. Quite honestly, I don't remember too many details between point A, party commencement, and point B, waking up in the morning. Here are a couple of bullet points to fill in the gaps for you:
1. Reid consumes 40oz beer #1.
2. Reid consumes 40oz beer #2.... woops
3. Reid inexplicably decides to take some shots of whiskey and then proceeds to drink
whiskey directly from the handle. This was a mistake.
4. Reid consumes 40oz beer #3. You know the saying "Third time is a charm"? Well,
apparently this saying does not carry over to drinking Fourties. In the game of Fourties,
the third time quickly culminates to an uneasy stomach and a serious head-ache ; the
combination of the two is not charming in the least.

Anything and everyting after that 3rd Fourtie is an absolute mystery. The circumstances and events between the whisper of the untwisted metal cap and the jearing plink at the bottom of the bottle are up to greater debate than who shot John F. Kennedy or where lie the remains of the late Jimmy Hoffa.

In my next moments of clarity, I remember Kevin rudely rousing me with some chattering and rustling about. I awoke fully clothed, sprawled face-down in the middle of the floor of our living room with my left shoe missing and my forehead buried in a sock posing as a pillow. It was a moment of magnanimous confusion. I took a minute or two to orient myself, made partial sense of everything and managed to pin-ball my way back to my room as Kevin and Lynn stood aside laughing to fictional decibles.

The worst part about it is that I had to be in at work the next day, granted it wasn't until 1:30 in the afternoon. To this day, I still regret that third Fourtie. Sitting in front of a flickering computer screen for 4 hours with a fault-line through the middle of your head is not a pleasant experience. I wish to never endure such a disaster again.

However, note one thing: We have not heard the last from Blingo. Blingo will rear its face again, and it will be glorious.

Dave's Love Life

I was only going to post once today, but this little nugget was too good to be kept in private for another day. Before you begin, let me issue a word of warning. If you are inclined to empathize with perfectly nice girls who are dicked around by drunk asshole guys for no reason other than their own amusement, stop reading now. This post will only make you hate me for posting it and my friends for doing it, and neither of us wants that. If you just want to laugh at bad people doing bad things, then set aside a block of time (this is a long one) and read on. Let me set the scene:

Important Fact 1: Since Dave got back for break, he has dated every single attractive girl on jdate.com (The Jewish Dating Service) between the ages of 20-26. If you are saying to yourself, "Wait, I am an attractive girl in that age range with a jdate profile and I haven't dated Dave" then, well, let's just say that you and Dave differ on the definition of the word "attractive". Until recently, he hadn't found a girl he was really into, so he had continued to date a variety of girls.

Important Fact 2: Dave is very discreet about his dating activites. We know he goes on dates, but don't know anything about the girls or any other details.

Important Fact 3: A few weeks ago, Dave had a date. On that same night, my roommates and I went to a "Welcome to Baylor" happy hour for incoming first years, lured by the promise of free drinks (check) and a hot redhead (my kryptonite). After 5 free pitchers, Jeff approached a girl who was sitting with a few friends. After a couple of minutes, they realized that she had jdated Dave. Jeff called us all over, where we proceeded to pose for pictures with her, get her phone number, and tell her about Dave's Quixotean quest to date every Jewish girl in Houston. She seemed good humored, but a little annoyed that Dave was on a date that night since he had told her he was busy all weekend.

Important Fact 4: Blake and Jeff went home early, but already pretty intoxicated. When they got home, Blake checked his email on Dave's computer (which was in the living room). After a few minutes, an IM popped up:

PoorJewishGirl-->: so i met your roomates tonight.... how was your date?

Blake and Jeff were so excited, they nearly wet themselves. Since Dave wasn't home from his date yet, they had no choice but to pretend to be him. The conversation between "Dave" and the girl went as follows:

Dave-->: oh...who did you meet?
PoorJewishGirl-->: all four of them... had a nice conversation with them
Dave-->: yeah i bet...what did they say?
PoorJewishGirl-->: enough...
PoorJewishGirl-->: disappointed....
Dave-->: disappointed??
PoorJewishGirl-->: did you havea nice date tonight?
Dave-->: ummm...it was okay. no sparks...did you meet anyone nice?
PoorJewishGirl-->: your roomates
Dave-->: which one was your favorite?
PoorJewishGirl-->: they were all sweet,we took a picture together
PoorJewishGirl-->: they were hilarious
Dave-->: a picutre? that's weird. how did you meet them?
PoorJewishGirl-->: well a guy sat next to me on the phone and then introduced himself.... he staryed talking to me and said he had 4 other roomates, 3 in med school, and that he lived down the street
PoorJewishGirl-->: kind of put the two and two together and figued it out
PoorJewishGirl-->: and then all your roomates came over to hang out with my friends
Dave-->: well did you like him?
PoorJewishGirl-->: i thought they were all sweet
Dave-->: but you like me right?
PoorJewishGirl-->: hmmm... well i found who the real david is tonight
Dave-->: that is good right?
PoorJewishGirl-->: what do you think?
Dave-->: i think you are a flirt!
Dave-->: get your flirt on
PoorJewishGirl-->: i think you are wrong
PoorJewishGirl-->: i think you are confusing friendly with flirty
Dave-->: I am sure they just wanted to hook up with you
PoorJewishGirl-->: and what about you?
Dave-->: now you are bwing honest
Dave-->: tell me what you really want to do
Dave-->: tell me what you really want (dirty like)
PoorJewishGirl-->: i think you have decided that for both of us
Dave-->: huh
Dave-->: amswerhe question (dirty like)
PoorJewishGirl-->: it sounds like you have other girls to take care of those needs
Dave-->: what?
Dave-->: dont be a sweet girl...I am home alone and I was just wondering...
PoorJewishGirl-->: i am a sweet girl
Dave-->: Well I like girls who...
Dave-->: like it in the butt...are you into that
Dave-->: ?
PoorJewishGirl-->: im shocked right now
PoorJewishGirl-->: thought you were a different person...
Dave-->: so that's out?
Dave-->: I mean its cool if it is..
PoorJewishGirl-->: im not saying anything, im just saying you seemed so different
Dave-->: sorry
Dave-->: that was brutal honesty
Dave-->: what do you want to talk about
Dave-->: ?
PoorJewishGirl-->: you tell me
Dave-->: what kind of guy are you into?
Dave-->: short?
PoorJewishGirl-->: athletic, fun, adventurous
Dave-->: i am just kidding
PoorJewishGirl-->: and real
Dave-->: i have a complex
Dave-->: those are all good things
Dave-->: fun
Dave-->: athletic
PoorJewishGirl-->: and what might that be
Dave-->: real
Dave-->: all good
Dave-->: like me right?
PoorJewishGirl-->: real?
Dave-->: what does that mean?
PoorJewishGirl-->: honest
Dave-->: look..I am the most honest guy you will ever meet
Dave-->: why dont you just ask my freinds
Dave-->: they will tell you the truth
PoorJewishGirl-->: bust all weekend with med stuff but yet found tinme for a date
Dave-->: what size bra do you wear?
PoorJewishGirl-->: they told me the truth
Dave-->: what did they tell you?
PoorJewishGirl-->: enough....
Dave-->: you keep saying that...i don't know what it means. i went on a date tonight, and she wasn't that cute...
Dave-->: what's the big deal?
PoorJewishGirl-->: so its all about the looks?
PoorJewishGirl-->: i never said it was a big deal but you broke off dinner the other night and said you were busy with school stuff and birthdays the other night
PoorJewishGirl-->: s
Dave-->: no seriously, i have like 3 friends with birthdays this weekend
Dave-->: cock
PoorJewishGirl-->: one was yesterday
PoorJewishGirl-->: ??
Dave-->: yeah, one of the jeff's
PoorJewishGirl-->: yep, he was the first one i mey
PoorJewishGirl-->: t
Dave-->: which jeff...mexi or white
Dave-->: vag
PoorJewishGirl-->: and then other jeff was just chatting away with my friends
PoorJewishGirl-->: mexi was theone i met
Dave-->: what did you think?
Dave-->: slut
PoorJewishGirl-->: are you kidding me
Dave-->: sorry, one of the jeff's stole my computer
Dave-->: i'm back now
PoorJewishGirl-->: umm...ok
Dave-->: anyway, now that the jeff's are here, what did you really think of them?
PoorJewishGirl-->: i told you.. i thought they were all sweet, they definitely let me know who you are
Dave-->: you keep saying that...don't know what you mean
PoorJewishGirl-->: player
Dave-->: that's not very nice'
PoorJewishGirl-->: well thats whay ur friends led me to believe
Dave-->: well my friends...they probably just wanted to get in your pants
PoorJewishGirl-->: one of their roomates already did...
Dave-->: got in your pants?
Dave-->: who?
Dave-->: fuck nasa
Dave-->: who?
Dave-->: which one?
Dave-->: not that i am jealous?
PoorJewishGirl-->: thisis rediculous
Dave-->: are u dunk?
PoorJewishGirl-->: you broke up with your girlfriend a month ago and nwo your looking for a little rebound
Dave-->: girlfriend?
PoorJewishGirl-->: or whatever she was
PoorJewishGirl-->: your roomates said a lot
Dave-->: really?
Dave-->: well, I want to be made
PoorJewishGirl-->: ?
Dave-->: I want to be made tall
PoorJewishGirl-->: im in shock how different i thought you were
Dave-->: I am not stupid
Dave-->: you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I am never gonna be able to live up to that...I hope you understand
Dave-->: i might hurt myself..
PoorJewishGirl-->: thanks for feeding me a line... remember... ihave three brothers
PoorJewishGirl-->: such bs
Dave-->: i am lonely...and short
PoorJewishGirl-->: like you tell me.. sorry
Dave-->: did you know that i "manscape"...
Dave-->: my chest is TRIMMMMMM
Dave-->: vagina
Dave-->: vagina MAX!
PoorJewishGirl-->: so disappointed...
Dave-->: twat?
Dave-->: what's the...oh the humor...i'm sorry
PoorJewishGirl-->: whatever
Dave-->: what are you wearing?
Dave-->: i'm dressed like a clown...like a sexy clown
PoorJewishGirl-->: go showit off to your roomates, they might enjoy it
Dave-->: ummm...what's wrong with you?
Dave-->: that's fucked up.
PoorJewishGirl-->: i told you... im disappointed.. shockedDave-->: sorry...i was just joking around. i thought we were joking...are we okay?
PoorJewishGirl-->: what do you think
Dave-->: i think you don't believe me
PoorJewishGirl-->: dont answer my ims when i ask you to meet up, cancel dinner and dont reschedule, come over to end up in my bed....
PoorJewishGirl-->: let me think about this one for a minute
Dave-->: wait...
Dave-->: i know we have alot of history
Dave-->: but when we hooked up you felt something too right?
Dave-->: ....?
PoorJewishGirl-->: i told you i did to only get a few nights later a phone call about rescheduling dinner which never happened and then find out you are out and about tonight... which you told me you were SOOO busy to do anything but med school stuff and birthdays
PoorJewishGirl-->: i would say you got busted tonight
Dave-->: oh I still wish you would come over... i mean
Dave-->: ,,,
PoorJewishGirl-->: yea right
PoorJewishGirl-->: because the girl you went out tonight with wasnt meeting your standards in looks
Dave-->: would you like me to come over there.....or send over a roomate
Dave-->: ?
Dave-->: you are fascinated by ajet liner that would propel 4000lbs
PoorJewishGirl-->: excuse .me?
Dave-->: turn to Vagina Max
PoorJewishGirl-->: whatever
Dave-->: seriously, i'm just joking...i've been drinking
PoorJewishGirl-->: you are such a different person now then i thought you were from the times we hung out
Dave-->: are you alone?
PoorJewishGirl-->: so you should have taken your date home... a few drinks and looks dont count
Dave-->: it was just a date??!!!?? maximus vaginus...got it, fool?
Dave-->: jesus...jesus christ....
Dave-->: hold on
Dave-->: hold on
Dave-->: ... ineed to talk to you
PoorJewishGirl-->: ?
Dave-->: listen
Dave-->: I thought you were hot
Dave-->: and I thought YOU WERE DIFFERNET
Dave-->: but...
Dave-->: you should come over so we can patch up this...
Dave-->: do you need a ride?
PoorJewishGirl-->: different in what way
Dave-->: you need a ride in a different wat?
Dave-->: way?
PoorJewishGirl-->: im fine in my bed thanks
Dave-->: well I mean...I am hing like bull
Dave-->: hung
Dave-->: i think if you dont like me, you should come out with one of my friends
Dave-->: they are all good guys mu
Dave-->: ch better than I can ever guve you as a jewish boy
PoorJewishGirl-->: liek i said, i told you what i thought about you and after tonight, and i guess now for a few nights, i am disappointedDave-->: are u circumsized?
Dave-->: well u should make out with more girsls
PoorJewishGirl-->: ok.. done with this conversation
Dave-->: cock
Dave-->: cokc
Dave-->: cokc
Dave-->: oc
Dave-->: cock
Dave-->: cock
Dave-->: vgaina mania
Dave-->: in face of mamamama vagina
Dave-->: you face mamammmaaa vggineeeeaaaa
Dave-->: eat taco
PoorJewishGirl-->: do you find this cute?
PoorJewishGirl-->: i appreciate you taking me seriously and valuing who i am
PoorJewishGirl is idle at 1:19:39 AM.
PoorJewishGirl is no longer idle at 1:41:55 AM.

Amazingly, she hasn't talked to Dave since..

Weekend Recap

On days (like today) when I don't feel like worrying about things like context or complete thoughts, I'll throw out a bunch of random thoughts and see what sticks. Here's what has been on my mind:

Weekend All-Stars:
Male - Reid - Thanks to your blingtastic party, I now have a rocking new pair of glittery sunglasses. I don't know what I did with my gold tooth, disco ball earring, and feather boa though.

Female - Meaghan (non-sister version) - You blew a .22 on a breathalizer and the damage was limited to a couple of phone messages and one of Kylie's bags. Outstanding restraint. If an unnamed roommate of mine got that drunk, it is likely that a few small villages would have been destroyed.

I'm having a dilemma. I just got finished watching the whole first season of Rescue Me on DVD (I rent a ton of DVD's to watch while I play poker) and loved the show. The problem is that the current season is already at its midpoint: do I pick up watching it now or do I wait for the DVD of season 2 and face the same dilemma at the midpoint of season 3? These are things that I worry about when I am unemployed. Ahh, who am I kidding. I worry about these things even when I do have a job.

Favorite newish bands: Razorlight, Clap Your Hands and Say Yeah, Tristan Prettyman (my star crush), and Elefant.

I may have gone on a date yesterday, but I'm not really sure. That's always fun.

I'm trying to avoid writing about the Astros, but it is going to be difficult. My mood is dictated by whether or not they win each day. a totally healthy way for an "adult" to live.

Since the Rockets season hasn't started yet, though, I can write about them with irrational exuberance. I don't think there is much doubt that they have improved this off-season, while three of the four teams ahead of them (Suns, Sonics, Mavs) have taken a step back. Now if only someone could take a lead pipe to Tim Duncan's kneecap...

We just got Tivo. Now I'll never get a job...

I took first in a $40 buy-in no limit hold'em multi-table tournament Saturday evening, so I can afford to pay rent for another month. If you have a basic understanding of the game and are really interested in improving your tournament game, I can't recommend Dan Harrington's new book strongly enough. I learned more about tournament poker in 50 pages of Harrington on Hold'em, Expert Strategy for No Limit Tournaments: Endgame Vol. 2 than I have in two years of reading every poker book that I can get my hands on. It isn't for beginner's, but if you take your game seriously, you need to buy this book.

I cried when I watched last night's Six Feet Under. Not many shows would have the guts to kill off its lead character. Their seems to be a small backlash lately against HBO, but I still think it has the best shows on television. Either Deadwood's Ian McShane or Six Feet Under's Michael C. Hall should win an Emmy. And Entourage is unquestionably the most fun half hour of television each week.

Any females interested in becoming a regular contributor to this blog? I think we need a woman's voice to complement the very male tone that it is otherwise likely to take. Email me if you are interested.

My House

I turned 26 years old over the weekend and I still live in a house with 4 other guys. And in no way is that depressing.

Here's a thumbnail sketch of each of my roommates:

Jeff G. - Med student, swam at Iowa St. Doesn't have a defined "type" of girl, considering he dated a nineteen year old stripper and a thirty eight year old mother of three within a week of each other.

Jeff M. - Friend from Rice. Started his own real estate company out of our house. Will have no recollection of the night if he has more than a drink and a half. Has had a healthy, fuctional fuck buddy relationship with MMM for over a year and a half. That would be most impressive if I wasn't lying about the "healthy, functional" part.

Blake - Med student, friend from Rice. Quite possibly the nicest guy I know when sober, but a truly horrible (yet very funny) person when drunk. Is dating Jennifer, who I also dated and is the sister of our good friend Kevin, who is roommates with Blake's brother Reid. Incestuous and confusing? You don't know the half of it.

Dave - Med student, but I'll let him tell you about himself in his own words. There are too many gems in there to count, but I think my favorite part is where he claims to be 5'10.

Me - Law school dropout (twice!!) turned professional poker player. Doesn't that just sound better than unemployed?

We are all pretty loyal to each other, but that doesn't mean that we trust each other at all. If you get black out drunk, you will wake up with writing all over your body (Blake apparently loves man chowder), a cast on your right arm (me), or photographic evidence of testicles on your forehead (basically everybody). If you go out of town, your furniture will be rearranged or someone will inevitably hook up on your bed. And with girls...just forget it. Whenever one of my roommates brings a girl home, she will inevitably be ushered immediately out of the common area and into the bedroom. Sure, part of the reason for this is obvious, but I think the primary reason is altruistic. No reason to offend

Even if you have never been to Houston before or never met any of my roommates, I bet that you can picture what my house looks like. Dishes piled up in the sink...check. Pizza boxes, mail, and beer bottles cluttering the living room...yep. A lawn that could swallow up a small child...uh huh. We even made up a house chore list, but that only serves to make us feel less guilty about ignoring the jobs that are assigned to others.

As a house, though, we didn't reached our lowest point until last week. Our evil landlady dropped by unannounced on Sunday and was aghast at the number of plants we had managed to kill while still managing to nourish our yard's numerous weeds. To help correct the problem...and to accomplish her alternate goal of making us feel like horrible people...she hired a young parapalegic to come over and take care of our lawn for us. So five active, twentysomething guys now have a high school boy mowing their lawn so he can raise money to play wheelchair sports. Hey, better him than me...

Welcome!!

I'd like to welcome all of you to my newest writing experiment. My old column (www.geocities.com/glenng79) isn't exactly dead, but let's just say that Thomas Ian Nicholas's career is healthier. It was fun while it lasted, but I just think that it outlived it's usefulness.

You see, three years ago all of my friends were basically in the same boat. We were just out of college (or just finishing up), were all single, and were more or less directionless, despite what we said in our job or grad school interviews. Today, things are very different. I have friends who are practicing law, friends who are starting there own companies, and friends who have replace the "Mr." or "Ms." in front of their name with the title "Dr.". It seems like I can't even check my email anymore without learning that someone else got engaged. Some of my best friends from high school already have multiple children! And yet, here I am, roughly in the same place that I was three years ago.

I still love writing a column, but I don't think my perspective is as representative of the group any more. With that in mind, I have recruited a few of my friends to help co-write this new blog with me. I don't know how often anyone will post or on what topics, but I think this new forum should be a lot of fun. In addition to the line-up of writers, anyone is welcome to add to the comments section or to email me a guest column. Also, check out the new "Ten Songs" list on the right side of the blog. You can now click on a link and be redirected to a site where you can hear the song. This will be a continuing feature, with different writers contributing their song lists.

I hope you all enjoy...I can't wait to get started!